"I wish people weren't so set on being themselves, when that means being a bastard." ― Robertson Davies, The Rebel Angels
"A company of wolves, is better than a company of wolves in sheep's clothing." ― Anthony Liccione
"I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said." ― Dave Matthes, Sleepeth Not, the Bastard
"Well, good afternoon, sunshine. How are you feeling?" "Like something the cat dragged in, then dragged back outside to leave in the rain, and mud, then the lightning hit it, and burned it, and the cat came back to tear it into pieces, before burying it." ― Kimberly Montague, Racing Outside the Line
"In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by a series of ghosts who, by showing him bleak visions of Christmas future, past, and present, would bring about in him a change to generosity, kindness, and a general warmth toward his fellow man. But this is not that kind of Christmas story, so here, in not too many pages, someone is going to dispatch the miserable son of a bitch with a shovel. That's the spirit of Christmas yet to come in these parts. Ho, ho, ho." ― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror
"Taken from the dedication in my debut novel Exactly 23 days. To honour all women on International Women's day.
For women everywhere: When you know you are finally mended, spread the word, hold out your hand, share some love from your heart and some laughter from your soul and be there for a new member of the sisterhood who needs your help. Let's all help our sisters worldwide to stand tall and know, they can and they will recover, survive and thrive, to live the life they deserve. To all the sisters who reached out and held my hand in whatever way you could, who cried my tears with me, and laughter my laughter too, I thank every one of you. I survived." ― Jayne Higgins, Exactly 23 Days
"You've been smoking again, haven't you? Your eyes look like road maps and you're in full bastard mode." ― Wayne Gerard Trotman, Ashes to Ashes: Screenplay
"Julia", I answered breathlessly. "Chloe, are you in the bathroom fucking that nice slice of man cake?" "I'll be there in a second, okay?" I ended the call and shoved the phone back into my bag. I looked up at him, feeling my rational side return after the small interruption. "I should go." "Look, I-" He was cut off as my phone rang again. I answered without bothering to look at the screen. "God, Julia! I'm not in here fucking the piece of man cake!" "Chloe?" Joel's confused voice sounded through the phone. "Oh... hi." Shit. This could not be happening to me." ― Christina Lauren, Beautiful Bastard
"Call me later, you'd said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard." ― Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up
"You see that girl, she looks so happy right? But inside she's dying. She's hurt and tired. Tired of all the drama, tired of not being good enough, tired of life. But she doesn't want to look dramatic, weak or attention seeking so she keeps it all inside. Act's like everything's perfect but she cries at night, boy does she cry at night, so that everybody thinks she is the happiest person they know, that she has no problems and her life is perfect. Little do they know." ― Jayne Higgins, Exactly 23 Days
"I didn't want to miss out on a chance to congratulate you on your bouncing baby boy." Garrett's eyes trailed over to Milo who stood tall with an arrogant smile on his face next to his father. "I'm not sure on the protocol over here, though, is it customary to celebrate bastards?" Garrett's comment hit the mark just like he knew it would. The smile was wiped from Milo's face, and he stalked right up to Garrett and threw a punch at his jaw." ― T.E. Sivec, A Beautiful Lie
"Нефритенозелените ѝ очи, обикновено широко отворени и изпълнени с пламенна интелигентност, от време на време се присвиваха и се превръщаха в две резки на пълно безразличие, присъщо само на три вида хора: безнадеждно лековерните, безнадеждно отчуждените и безнадеждно обнадеждените. Тъй като Зелиха не спадаше към никой от тях, безразличието ѝ - колкото и мимолетно да бе - бе трудно обяснимо. То прикриваше като с балдахин душата ѝ, за да я направи безчувствена като след упойка, но след миг се изпаряваше, оставайки Зелиха сама в тялото ѝ." ― Elif Shafak, The Bastard of Istanbul
"For me, the worst sin is hypocrisy. The sinner is not the assassin. The sinner's the bastard who hires the assassin." ― Joyce Haber, The Users
"All men are bastards. Some are obvious bastards. Some are covert bastards. The ones who appear to be bastards are safer as you know what you are dealing with. The men who hide behind a facade of manners and politeness are the coldest of bastards'." ― Reham Khan, Reham Khan
"You're one cruel bastard," she managed to get out.
He tsked with his tongue. "Everyone says that." Then he took hold of her chin and locked his gaze with hers. "Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind – you know that. And sometimes, it takes a bastard to see it through." ― Dianna Hardy, The Last Dragon
"Plus, no matter how many times I'd brushed my teeth in Casey's bathroom (after half an hour she'd knocked on the door to make sure I was okay), the taste of disgusting, womanizing bastard was still in my mouth. Ugh!" ― Kody Keplinger, The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend
"The old High Septon told my father that king's laws are one thing and the laws of the gods another, the boy said stubbornly. Trueborn children are made in a marriage bed and blessed by the Father and the Mother, but bastards are born of lust and weakness, he said." ― George R.R. Martin, A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
"DJ, let Trisha look. She's really good at this doctor thing," Ashna said and Trisha Raje grinned at her as though she had just dropped the deepest curtsy in front of her. DJ picked up the colander filled with okra and moved to the fryer. "As I've already mentioned, my hands are fine. I hope yours are still worth as much as they were last evening." Definitely a petty bastard. That made her tilt her head in confusion again. Apparently, you needed no memory at all to get through medical school. Or maybe it was he who needed to have his head examined for remembering every word that had come out of her mouth like some fragile, egotistical half-wit." ― Sonali Dev, Pride, Prejudice, and Other Flavors
"That knave would happily use a sextant to investigate his lineage and only tell the true Sun from a bastard." ― Stewart Stafford
"Hello, I know that now you - father you are reading this Fuck you, fuck you, how did you decide to suicide fucking bastard!..." ― Deyth Banger
"The survivor spoke to us though, or tried to. Mumbling through that matted brown beard of his, pale as death itself. I can't say now if it was weakness from his wounds or what it was – but we struggled to understand him. In fact we got nothing intelligible from him at all then. He seemed afraid, like any dying man probably would be, but he did seem more terrified than any dying man I've seen before – and I've seen a few in my time. Let me tell you, Corsair or not, he grabbed whatever hand would hold his, and clenched it so tight his knuckles turned white! He kept fading out as we carried him on the stretcher board the medics brought with them. Looking back, I think he tried to warn us, poor bastard. He tried to tell us to leave him behind and go, but we wouldn't listen. We thought we were better than the Corsairs, remember? We thought we would be all moral and upright and try to help him. 'Don't say I didn't warn you.' were the last words he said before losing consciousness. At least, those that we could make out. At the end of it all, he was right – as it turned out, we couldn't even help ourselves." ― Christina Engela, Space Vacation
"Ninety-seven. Ninety-eight. Two more and I've won. I hear the same girl—she must be standing close by—whisper, "Come on." On the ninety-ninth push-up, Reznik shoves me down with his heel. I fall hard on my chest, roll my cheek against the asphalt, and there's his puffy face and tiny pale eyes an inch from mine. Ninety-nine; one short. The bastard." ― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave
"Bastard is a synonym of agent," he smiled, and added, "or studio chief." ― Joyce Haber, The Users
"Welcome to the freak show… BASTARDS!" ― Deyth Banger, Jokes From A
"Those words hit me like a truck: real family. They brought me back to a day when I was a kid and I had asked Peggy what the word bastard meant. She told me it mean 'illegitimate, like not real.' It has seemed like a toothless insult. But now I understood where the word had bite: if you are not real, you can be dismissed, erased, forgotten. It means the you don't matter." ― Mary Anna King, Bastards: A Memoir
"I stare at the woman in question and wonder what happened to the concept of sisterhood. If women stopped doing this kind of thing to other women, there would be a lot less pain in this world. Men, I'll admit, are probably a lost cause, but we could stop cheating on other women with their husbands, boyfriends, fiancés. Jo props herself up on her elbows and gives me a defiant look which, frankly, I'd like to wipe off her face---preferably with a cricket bat. "Who'd have thought that I'd be seeing so much of you," I say. "And so soon." Marcus's breakfast dish looks rather rattled. "I can explain," Marcus says as he tries to dismount from the table with some dignity. Difficult to pull off. "I'm all ears." "This was the last time," he says earnestly. There are raspberries crushed on his knees. "The last time ever. I was having one last fling before settling down. As soon as you moved in, I was going to be completely and utterly faithful." Jo doesn't look as if she knows about this particular part of the arrangement and she glares darkly at my fiancé. Perhaps she'll be sneaking into his flat and filling his clothes and his shoes with leftovers and leaving stinking prawns in his soft furnishings. Because, for sure, I won't be troubling myself to do it again. "You called to tell me you love me while she was here?" Jo clearly doesn't know about that bit either. Marcus chews his lip. I stare at Marcus as if I'm seeing him for the first time. He looks ridiculous---yogurt on his knob, smears of berry juice all over his chest and legs, breakfast cereal in his hair. I burst out laughing. Marcus laughs too---nervously. "Oh, Marcus," I say, clutching at my sides. "I can't believe you've done this again." I double over and belly laugh right the way up from my boots. "I love you," he says bleakly, and then he continues to laugh along with me, although it sounds forced. When I finally wrest control of my voice once more, I say softly, "I'm not laughing with you, Marcus. I'm laughing at you." Slipping my engagement ring from my finger, I put it delicately into the bowl of yogurt that's lying by Jo's feet. Then, picking it up, I tip the bowl upside down on Marcus's head. Yogurt drips slowly down his face. He licks it from his lips. Perhaps he can get Jo to do it for him when I'm gone. "This really is the very last time you do this to me, Marcus." ― Carole Matthews, The Chocolate Lovers' Club
"Father, I thank you for your kindness and beg that you will let me leave your house." As if the Gentle Lord cared about propriety. Father held out an arm. "I will grant that with a glad heart and open hand, my daughter." Certainly the glad part was true enough. He was avenging his dead wife, saving his favorite daughter, and keeping his sister-in-law as his concubine-- and the only price was the daughter he had never wanted." ― Rosamund Hodge, Cruel Beauty
"The hot tub girl was the one before the one with the legs, and after the one with the boobs," Dan snorted, weaving slightly on his feet. "And I think he had a couple of models in between from the modeling agency start-up that he was considering adding to his portfolio." "I told you we should have invested in that one," Marco said, making no effort to keep his voice down. "He was swimming in tits and ass." He looked over at Daisy. "Pardon my French." Daisy gave him a cold smile. "Quel salaud!" Liam didn't speak French, but from the look on Daisy's face he suspected what she'd said wasn't polite. "So who is she really?" Dan gave him a nudge, keeping his voice low. "I mean, come on, man. You and her?" "I'm his parole officer." Daisy grabbed Liam's arm and tugged him in the opposite direction. "He's on an escorted day pass. Move aside because I have to have him back in his cell by eleven P.M." Dan's eyes widened. "No shit? What did he do?" "He swam in the wrong hot tub." Daisy fixed Dan with a glare. "Next time, check their ID." ― Sara Desai, The Dating Plan
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