Look Kind of Funny Rock and Roll
Rock and roll. . .
Or what ever comes first ;)
My mother told me that the only musicians more promiscuous than rock and roll artists were jazz musicians.
Because they were always having sax.
I never expected the vintage movie I was watching to end with everyone doing a dance popular in the early 60s which is inspired by rock and roll.
It was a twist ending.
Rock and roll
I want to start a business similar to an ice cream truck, except we sell baked treats and play classic rock'n'roll music...
I'll call it The Rolling Scones.
Why do they call it rock and roll?
Because rolling a boulder would be a lot harder.
In honor of an old episode of The Simpsons, I have decided to start a rock and roll band and call it "Three Eyed Fish".
The name will appear as : **Fiiish**
What's green, found in the garden and sings rock & roll?
Elvis Parsley
Smashmouth belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
At least that's what somebody once told me.
Hey! Did you know that rock and roll can be used as a foundation?
We built this city on it!
My gf rolled her eyes hard at me for this one.
I rolled a rock down the hill with an elastic band around it, and It hit a passerby.
My rock band, the rolling stones, was an instant hit.
My first official dad joke!!!
So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim "hey (son's name) you're really rockin' 'n' rollin' now." My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.
Dad Jokes
It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at "The Café," a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: "Parking now, be there in 5."
"Dad," he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.
Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, "Dad" popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Café.
Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.
"Hello, son," came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. "I can't believe it's been so long!"
"Yeah," said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. "Too long!"
Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.
After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u
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Rock puns
I have a pet rock but he's really hit rock bottom he has also got into rock and roll music and I think rocks but lately he has put on a stone or two so he get karma it would rock his world
I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…
"A rock and roll band!"
TIL: The first musical genius known in history was Sisyphus.
He was the original master of rock and roll.
There was a suspicious 'accident' at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .
It looked like foul play. The mason wasn't a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn't hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.
Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn't a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn't stick and the jury let him roll off clean.
[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock
Every year for the past few years, I've written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year's music was titled "TubaChristmas in July," which had "Hallelujah" by Pentatonix, "Carol of the Bells," "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," and "Have Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas." This year I'm about 90% sure we're doing rock/classic rock. So far I have "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen, "Paint It, Black" by The Rolling Stones, "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, and some fifth song I haven't chosen yet (BTW I'm open to song ideas).
I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn't include song names, but you know it's Christmas music on tubas.
Someone should combine a rocking chair and a wheelchair
We'll call it rock and roll.
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
Was watching a NOVA documentary on Petra: the Lost City of Stone.
The intro ended with a question: How did the Nabataeans build this city of stone?
From the back of the room I hear my dad say: "clearly they built it on rock and roll"
sigh
What's a Leprechauns favorite type of music?
Me: Sham-Rock and Roll. My Dad: That's so funny it has be Dublin over with laughter.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Dadjoked my wife and the nurse moments before my daughter was born
My wife and I welcomed our new daughter this week. The wife wanted some classic rock while she was pushing. We were all there, the doctor, the main nurse (with whom we were joking all day long) and a few other nurses. This was the moment of truth.
Suddenly, the Scorpions' "Rock you like a hurricane" comes on, and my wife exclaims: "This is exactly what I need to pump me up!! She is going to be a Scorpion!"
To which I replied "Actually, she'll be a Sagittarius"
The nurse looked at me surprised, cracked up, the wife rolled her eyes, and a few breaths later my daughter was born.
I have never been prouder to be a dad.
What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson does a somersault?
ROCK AND ROLL.
Road signs
I kept seeing signs on the highway that read, "WATCH FOR ROCKS AND WILDLIFE," and kept thinking to myself, "that's a bizarre trade."
Surely I'd have some eye rolls if I wasn't driving alone.
So a stone and a wheel pick up a few instruments...
...and start a rock and roll band.
My 3 year old son dad joked me.
About a week ago I purchased one of those cheap checkout isle toys for my son. In particular it was one of the fan type toys that looks like a helicopter, with a small compartment of candy under the handle. Naturally he downs the candy and is toting the toy around for the next six or seven days, putting random items in the compartment. One day it is Lego's, another its rocks, another its dirt, so on and so forth.
Every time he puts something new in it he comes up and shows me what he was able to fit into the compartment.
This afternoon I was getting ready for work and drinking my coffee (night shift's this weekend), when he comes up to me with the helicopter. "Dad, look" as he is shaking the toy around with something rattling inside. "look, look". OK buddy, whats in there?
"CD's".... Huh? the compartment is smaller than a roll of quarters, how does he have cd's in there?
He proudly opens it up and goes "see theese... hahahaha", and just stands there waiting for my reaction.
I just can't turn the dad jokes off.
My wife and I just had a much needed, long talk about life, family, and what we needed to do in the future.
In a nutshell, she had been feeling alone and uncared for awhile because I've been so busy at my jobs and helping take care of our newborn that he hasn't felt like she has been able to share a lot emotionally with me.
She cried. I cried. Everything ended on a really positive note. Great talk.
But at the very end, we were hugging and rocking back and forth and I said, "Don't worry babe, I've got your back." I then proceeded to grab her back with my hands and hold it tight.
Eyes were rolled.
My dad's top 3 weird quotes/jokes
- Anytime anything rattles he says "that sounds like 2 skeletons making love in a biscuit tin."
- Any beeping, anywhere, ever, he grabs his chest and says "is that my pacemaker?"
- And the most awkward (he regularly says this) "I believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll... well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad." Then he sneers. Smugly. Every. Time.
Sisyphus was the first musical genius.
He was the master of rock and roll.
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Source: https://punstoppable.com/rock-and-roll-puns
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